


Between Blackberries and Their Bushes

by rosesandstuff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crofter's Organic, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a sad ending, Fluff, M/M, tw: Implied Sexual Content, tw: break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 21:57:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15495537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesandstuff/pseuds/rosesandstuff
Summary: Logan, a worker for Crofter's Organic, knows who he is and what he wants out of life. The only thing he doesn't know, it seems, is what love feels like. Roman is a new employee at Crofter's and changes that. Trouble brews and ensues.





	Between Blackberries and Their Bushes

Logan swallowed thickly. 

He tried to focus on what he was doing. Pinch a blackberry softly between his fingers, pick it off the bush, then plop down into the basket in his hands. 

But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He tried to tell himself to calm down, tried to get his pulsing heart that was beating uncontrollably inside his chest to shut. The fuck. Up. He reminded himself of the fact that he needed to continue his task of picking berries because it was his occupation, and by having an occupation he was getting an income, and by having an income he was able to purchase things to help sustain himself.

But nothing was working. His concentration kept dwindling with each passing second. It was so unlike him to be distracted like this, but he couldn’t blame himself when standing only about a foot behind him was just about the hottest boy Logan had ever laid eyes on. 

Anyone else working at Crofter’s Organic would tell you Logan was just about the most productive employee working at the company, picking berries as much as his hands would allow until his muscles felt sore and raw. He was so intelligent he could’ve been a doctor or a lawyer without much trouble, but Logan was more enthusiastic about jelly than anything else and working for the company was apparently some dream of his he had had since he was young child. 

It was an odd fascination he had but he never questioned it. There were so many weird and puzzling enigmas in this world and he considered the one that formed around his career choice to be the one that was the least troubling. 

But now Logan simply couldn’t continue his work. Not today, at least. Not when he was standing so close to this man that shortened his breath with just one glance. Logan faltered a bit, then froze completely and stared down at the half-full basket in his hands.

What was he doing? Why was he acting this way? Logan had spent his whole life avoiding the conflict of feelings, of attraction, towards anyone that wouldn’t benefit him in the end. And now... now Logan took one look at this guy he knew nothing about and he was willing to give up his current, vital task at hand? Get a grip, get a grip, get a—

“You doing okay back there?” a voice chuckled. Logan shivered. The voice was deep and low, rolling in the speaker’s chest and tumbling out in a smooth flow as seamless as silk.

Logan shook his head. Illogical thoughts. What was he doing? Ah. He was just asked a question so now he had to respond. Respond. Respond goddammit, respond!

“I- Yes, I’m doing quite alright,” Logan stuttered. Stutter? Since when did Logan stutter? The great Logan never stuttered. He was calm, cold, and collected. He did not indulge in feelings. Do not indulge. Do not indulge. “You?”

“Pretty good for my first day,” the man answered, looking back at Logan and shining him a bright smile. A bright white smile. His light brown hair was tousled slightly too and the glowing sun was really bringing out the honey dew color of his skin—

Logan coughed. Why was he even looking at the man anyways? When did he turn back? Oh no. Respond, respond, respond! “Very well. I am glad you are doing an adequate job. T-that is very nice to hear.” Nice? Since when did Logan use such dry words? What happened to the fucking dictionary Virgil used to tease he had lodged into his brain? 

The man smiled again and turned back to picking blackberries. “So... what’s your name?” he hummed causally.

Oh, causal conversation. Logan could do this. “My name is Logan. What is yours?”

“Roman.” Voice. So sweet. Illogical. Respond, respond-!

“Roman? As in the Roman Empire? I must say studying the rise and fall of the Roman Empire is very interesting and addicting at times. The Romans’ history was a perfect example of Ratzel’s organic theory, although I do not fully believe in all the components presented by that said theory- That being said, I find it a very educational and enjoyable pastime, studying the Empire. You are very lucky to have acquired such a name.” Compliment? Was that a compliment? Yeah, it was. Logan was complimenting someone. Error, error. He could hear Virgil’s taunting voice already.

“Thanks!” Roman chirped, looking sort of dumbfounded from Logan’s obviously extended vocabulary but talked anyways. “Logan is pretty cool too. Kinda common, but it fits you.” That last bit sounded flirtatious... Was that flirtatious? Logan didn’t care. Either way his face was burning and not just from the heat of the burning sun. 

“So what brought you to working here, Roman?”

Roman thoughtfully sighed. “Well, I just got laid off from my local theatre troop. They were wonderful, and performing is absolutely my passion, mind you, but they didn’t think about acting the same way too. So we split up and now we’re no longer a group.”

“Was that supposed to rhyme?” 

“It just happens naturally.” Roman smirked. “I have an adoration for poetry.” Poetry? Logan loves poetry! 

“As do I,” Logan said, exasperated. “I particularly like works by Shakespeare.”

“Oh, same!” Roman exclaimed. “A bit off-topic, but Romeo and Juliet will always be a favorite of mine. Classic, romantic, it’s perfect.”

Logan winced. “I can’t exactly say the same. Romeo and Juliet is a classic, yes, but the age gap is frankly disturbing. Juliet was only thirteen, if I remember correctly, and Romeo was in his twenties. I am well aware that in the time the play took place that it was normal for girls to be married and even be mothers at that age—Juliet’s mother, Lady Capulet, even mentions she was thirteen and already was Juliet’s mother—but it does not spread a good message to the youth today, especially when regarding females. As for the romance bit of it, I am not big on the whole falling in love with someone so quickly as they did. All things considered, they technically got married the day after they met each other. It was irrational and reckless thinking blinded by what they believed their hearts thought.”

Roman was quiet. 

Shit. Shit shitty shit. Logan did it again. Somehow he had managed to go on a rant again and now he hurt this very statistically handsome guy’s feelings. 

“I- I apologize. I didn’t mean-“

“Can’t argue with that. I honestly feel the play on gender roles was sort of... uncool, even if it was accurate for the time as well.” Roman shrugged, then his brows scrunched together. “-Wait. Apologize? What for?”

“I... I just began ranting. The usual end result of my doing so is feelings being hurt and immediate rejection.” Logan was now fully turned towards Roman, and Roman was fully turned towards him.

Roman made a dismissive noise. “I’m not gonna... reject you, Logan. Everything you said was true anyways,” Roman explained and Logan smiled slightly, both at the nickname and his acceptance. “Even I believe they could’ve taken things a bit slower, and that’s saying something.”

“Oh? And why is that exactly?” Logan readjusted his glasses curiously.

“Romance...” Roman paused to sigh. “Romance is positively what I live for. You know that beautiful feeling you feel pumping through your soul when you know you found the one? That wondrous emotion that floods through you upon hearing the laughter of someone that means the world to you? That craving to have everything of someone and for them to have you in return? That’s what I love the most in life. I was put into this earth to find the one I love, I’m sure of it.”

Logan made a noise in the back of his throat and turned back quickly. “I- I cannot say the same, unfortunately. I have never been too fond of things regarding the... feelings department.”

“The feelings department?” Logan could hear the pout in Roman’s voice.

“Ah- y-yes. You see, I am a person of words, facts, data. I do not like spending my time caught up in icky, messy emotions.”

Roman snorted. “So you just don’t feel... anything? Like a robot?”

That stung a bit and Logan automatically sneered at the analogy. “No. I am well aware of what state my body and mind are currently in at any given moment. I am only human and there only so many things I can do to diminish what I feel inside. But by blocking out what I can I can focus on the more important things in life.”

“And what’s that?”

“Working, of course. I have a job to do and I need to do it well. Good results leads to good efficiency and self-satisfaction.”

Roman didn’t say anything, waiting a bit and then huffed. “That’s it?”

“What do you mean?” Logan was picking berries again, thankfully, but his movements were more rapid. He was taking berries off of bushes and throwing them into the basket violently. He excused himself in his mind as him making up for his lack of progress earlier, but he knew it was just his way of letting out these feelings he’s bottling up right now. 

Wait- feelings? Again? What feelings? Ones that were making his heartbeat race and his palms sweat uncomfortably. Whatever. At least his productivity was increasing.

“I mean that can’t be all you’re living for. What about adventure, riches, fame?” Roman babbled. “There has to be more you’re looking forward to than getting up everyday to pick berries for some jam from dawn to dusk!”

Some jam? Some jam?! Excuse him, but Crofter’s was much more than some jam! Lohan opened his mouth but Roman put a finger to his lips and turned him around so they were fully turned towards each other again.

“Shh. I’m not finished! And then you want to shut out all feelings? Why would you- Why? Have you never... been in love?”

Logan scoffed and turned back to his bushes. His berry-picking was becoming so harsh one might fear the berries would squeeze between his fingers and bust open. “No. Love is unnecessary and impartial to life.”

Roman gasped, offended. “It is to... necessary! Having someone in your life who loves you and who you love back is just about the most necessary thing out there!”

“And what data do you have to prove that?” Angry. He was feeling angry. Oh, so angry. 

“I don’t have data, but at least I have a heart!”

They both froze at that exclamation. Then Logan’s basket of berries drops from his hands and tumbles over onto the ground below. Some of the berries smoosh against the earth floor and spray their juices on Logan’s shoes and onto the nearby grass. Roman gasped. 

“Oh. No, I didn’t mean that-“

“You are right.”

Roman paused instantly. 

“What?”

“You are right, Roman. I may not have a metaphorical heart, but my lack of obtaining such a thing ultimately lead to the strengthening of my mind. I graduated top of my class thanks to my brain and I do not suspect emotion had anything to do with it.”

Roman looked down solemnly. “Okay, well... that still isn’t an excuse for never falling in love.”

Logan shrugged, feeling a sort of calm washing over him again. His anger was left behind as he gathered his dropped basket in his arms and proceeded to pick berries at a more relaxed pace. “Being alone isn’t bad, Roman. It simply means less room for error in time management and self-respect in the long run. And, when the time comes, I suppose I will have to find someone to ask out for a romantic outing together, which will lead to marriage and eventual compilation. All to help populate, of course. It is a basic duty of humans, as I’m sure you know.” 

Roman only shivered. “That kind of romance is so dry, though! And it seems kind of forced. Where’s the passion? Where’s the desire? Where’s the love?”

“I’m sure if I admire them then I’ll be fine-“

“But it’s not about being fine!” Roman was nearly throwing a tantrum at this point. “It’s about being more than fine! It’s about being happy! It’s about being finally satisfied! It’s about being... loved.” His tone dropped and Logan quirked a brow.

“I am unable to love-“

“So maybe I can help with that.”

They both flushed at the suggestion, feeling their backs press together in a way that was both subtle and sent flames licking up Logan’s spine in pleasure. Without another word, Roman set his basket of berries down on the ground and walked in between Logan and his half-picked bush. 

“What are you-“

Roman took Logan’s basket and set it on the ground beside his and took Logan’s hands into his. “May I have this dance, Microsoft Nerd?”

“Creative. But that doesn’t mean-“ Logan was interrupted by a yelp when Roman moved one of his hands to his waist and started twirling him around, humming a tune that sounded like it came straight out of a Disney movie. 

“W-We should be working-“ Stammering. He was stammering again. Shoot. 

“We should be doing a lot of things.” Was that supposed to be suggestive? Logan couldn’t tell. All he could sense right then in that moment was Roman’s hand caressing his waist, the touch burning his skin, and how tightly he was squeezing his eyes shut. He was practically seeing stars. “...Logan? You alright, bud?”

Logan didn’t answer, instead letting out a low growl and barred his teeth like an animal. “I... I...” he breathed. Emotions. Too many, all at once. Warm, confusing, hurting. 

Logan pulled away swiftly, his waist still aching from Roman’s grasp he had on them, and he picked up his basket. “I have to go.”

And with that, he left to find another spot to pick berries. Away from Roman. Roman watched him sadly until he couldn’t see him anymore but the sight of the man lingered in his head. He didn’t even look back. 

\- 

Logan looked up at the night sky again. Stars littered its darkness, smothering it in a glowing haven that Logan knew to be the only thing that calmed him down after a long day of dancing with a hot new co-worker before running away in fear. 

Logan tried not to think about his day too hard, instead focusing himself into looking into stethoscope and drawing down notes of the stars into his notebook, but his mind couldn’t help but drift back to Roman. Roman. What made him so special that his mind whirred so fast around him until it was just a metaphorical puddle of goop inside Logan’s skull? Even after their argument Logan couldn’t stop himself from stuttering around Roman. And why? 

Surely he wasn’t... he couldn’t be-? 

Logan shook his head, mumbling excuses to himself softly. It was a hot day. Maybe he was just experiencing heat waves. But he had worked in much warmer weather than the one had occurred that day. (Being the first Crofter’s farm in the American south was bound to have its cons, of course, let alone being the first Crofter’s farm in Florida.) Maybe he was developing some kind of hallucination disorder and imagined the whole thing. But he couldn’t have. Even in Logan’s wildest dreams everything was so horribly realistic it was boring. He had no imagination, and as much as he hated it, he couldn’t have conjured up something so handsome by himself.

Logan took a thoughtful bite of his peanut butter and Crofter’s jelly sandwich. Or maybe he was over analyzing the whole situation. It wouldn’t be the first time. Human emotions were so rare to him that having to deal with them was an adventure all on its own. He was just being dramatic. 

Still... it had felt good being in Roman’s arms. It made him feel comfortable in a way he didn’t understand. Logan faintly remembered when his twin brother, Patton, introduced him to his boyfriend who is now Logan’s best friend, Virgil. Logan was proud of Patton for finally finding someone who made him feel complete but he was confused. It was a confusion that matched the one he felt after reading Romeo and Juliet, after watching Cinderella and Snow White, after reading and watching The Princess Bride.

How did someone fall in love? Or, how he had put it to the couple, “How do you feel... attraction towards someone so strongly to engage in a mutual relationship of romanticism?” They both laughed a bit at that, but were more than happy to explain to Logan what love was. And just as he had with Roman, Logan still expressed a misunderstanding to it all. 

“Love is a wanting to put your mouth against the mouth of another person?” Logan had asked. Patton chucked. 

“Well, no, not fully. But it can be, I guess,” he explained.

“See, Logan, let’s say love is a disease-“ Virgil started.

“But it isn’t. Love is far from contagious-“

“-Logan! Just listen to the goddamn analogy. Love is a disease, so there are symptoms. Wanting to kiss someone is a symptom,” Virgil said and pecked Patton’s lips as an example. “See that? That was an act of physical affection. I did that because I romantically care about my partner.”

“But why? What a random thing to do to show you love someone physically as you do emotionally.”

“I know. It was weird for me at first too. I personally like hugs better.” Patton wrapped Virgil in a tight embrace from behind him as he said so. “Yeah, like that. They’re warm and comforting and make me feel safe.”

“How? It is simply just another human being putting their arms around you.”

“It’s like smiling, Lo!” Patton said, nuzzling his face into the back of his boyfriend’s neck. “You just automatically get happier when you do it! It’s simple science!”

Logan opened his mouth to argue but then remembered he was not one to question this ‘love’ thing. He was the student here, not the teacher.

Yet, months later, Logan still sat here in an empty grass field, staring up at the twinkling stars as if they’d finally give him the answers to the only thing in life he couldn’t understand by reading textbooks like they were a life source. Other feelings could be calculated, determined. They could be read through the way someone talks, the way someone behaves, or the color of their mood ring, should it come down to that. But love was something entirely different. 

Love was messy and unpredictable. Love was different for every person. When Patton loved he smiled and giggled and experienced a state of mind Logan could only compare to being happily buzzed. But when Virgil loved he did the opposite, he relaxed. He was a wound-up guy most of the time but certain touches and words made him loosen up a bit, almost sleepily. So how did Logan love? He didn’t. That had always been his answer. And now...

Was this how Logan loved? Was he as stupid as Juliet? Did he turn into a completely different person when infatuated with another almost immediately despite not knowing the other long enough to know you’d mind spending the rest of your life with them? Logan didn’t want to use Roman as an example, but he had no choice. Roman was the first to ever make him feel this way. And if Logan loved by stammering, making a fool of himself, and all-around letting his guard down than he wanted none of it. Just like he predicted.

It was another hour or two before Logan decided to pack up and head home, but just as he was reaching for his stethoscope, he heard the sound of footsteps and looked behind him. There stood Roman, pushing his hair back with his hand with a shy smile.

“Hey, Lo!” Roman called out, and Logan pauses his movements to watch the other come up to him and sit beside him in the cool grass. “I didn’t expect to find you here. You like to watch the stars too?”

“Uh- yes. I come here every other night to um... calculate-“

“Calculate? Why not just enjoy them?” Roman sighed and smiled up at them. “Where I’m from there isn’t any fields so when I saw this place I couldn’t help myself. It’s the best place to watch stars, I think, in an open space that’s nice and quiet.”

Logan felt himself smile a bit at that. “What... what made you want to work here?”

“Well,” Roman said, preparing himself for a long-ass story, “I told you my theater troop broke up because they weren’t as... into it as I was, right?”

“Correct.”

“So I decided to audition at local theaters without them. But I got pretty lonely by myself, and I ended up just quitting because I was too overcome by grief to keep acting. Then I started working at a café for a bit. It was nice, enough to keep the dough coming in I guess, but I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much I enjoyed the stage. And then I heard that Crofter’s was setting up a farm here in Florida and I signed up immediately.”

“Why?”

“I’ve loved Crofter’s ever since I was kid! Most kids ate Smucker’s in my class but Crofter’s always tasted better to me. It just made me stand out more, I suppose,” Roman said. 

“I can understand how it feels to stand out as well,” Logan sighed. “I was always the one in the back of my classroom reading books intended for an age cohort well above my own, winning Spelling Bees, becoming just a tool to my classmates like a calculator they only regarded when absolutely needed to do so.” Logan felt a pit grow in his stomach. “Crofter’s was my escape, of sorts, from all of that. My most pleasant nights as a child were curling up on the couch with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and looking up at the stars while wearing a unicorn onesie I was gifted by my brother, Patton.”

Roman snorted. “I don’t see it.”

“What?”

“You in a unicorn onesie.”

“Believe it or not, it is quite comfortable. I originally wore it as to not hurt his feelings but it quickly grew on me. He has one too, one of a cat specifically, even if he is allergic to them.”

“Sucks,” Roman hummed. “Although I’ve always been more of a dog person.”

“Patton loves both, honestly. I only find myself as a cat person because I’ve owned neither, but my experiences with Patton’s boyfriend’s cat have been mostly adequate.”

“Mostly.”

Logan chuckled slightly. 

A silence stretched between them and Roman flung himself to the ground, staring up at the sky with his arms crossed behind his head. “And you Logan? Why not become the president or something? You’re obviously smart enough to have a better job than a berry collector for Crofter’s.”

“That is where I guess I’m in a similar situation as you, Roman,” Logan said, laying back himself and stretching out so that him and Roman are parallel now. “I was originally going to be a teacher, possibly for Astronomy, but I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not?”

“I’d have to be dealing with minors all day long who have no respect for the rules and instead only wish to earn credits so they can move into what they really want to do with life. That’s the flaw of the education system. So I ended up getting stuck after college and went to work at a grocery store. I was let go after not applying myself to the idiotic rule of ‘the customer is always right’ when Patton told me about Crofter’s expanding their industry from Canada to all the way down here in Florida. It was shocking and I applied immediately.”

“How long have you been working here?”

“About a year. I realize I’m not living up to my full potential by engaging myself in such a low-intelligence economic activity such as gathering berries but it is what I like to do. Anything remotely related to Crofter’s is good enough for me.”

Roman let that sink in, and between them there was a certain shift in the air. Then, “Logan... about earlier-“

“Don’t.” Logan coughed. “There is no point in dwelling on the actions and mistakes of the past that one made prior. We are... good, as you might say.”

“Good?” Roman chuckled. “No duh, Sherlock, I know we’re good or else I wouldn’t have just told you my life story.”

“Then why bring it up?” Logan frowned.

“Did you like dancing with me?” Roman asked quickly.

“What?” Feigning ignorance. Logan didn’t do it often but it must’ve worked because Roman blushes a deep red color and tugged at the collar of his shirt.

“I mean, did you like it? You seemed like you did and then you ran away. I.. I didn’t know what to think of it, Microsoft Turd.”

Logan scoffed at the nickname and clasped his hands together, resting them on his stomach. His mouth was dry and he didn’t know how to respond. Respond, respond. Basic communication, Logan! But he couldn’t. He said nothing and stared at the unforgiving stars in silence. 

“If you’re not going to tell me anything, then I’ll start,” Roman huffed. “There’s a reason I was picking berries by you, Logan. You seemed like you knew what you were doing, but furthermore, you were cute. You are cute.”

Logan looked up at him, face wrinkled in surprise and confusion. 

Roman laughed and poked his nose playfully. “You’re just too much of a nerd to see it.”

Logan opened his mouth, then closed it. Then he coughed into his hand and said shakily, “You may continue.”

“And we started talking and I worried for you. Yes, you, a complete stranger with the voice of a fucking phone operator and the personality of a human Siri.”

“I consider that a compliment, thank you.”

Roman snickered, biting down on his lower lip. “Anyways, you sounded miserable and I was just trying to help. Sorry if I invaded your personal space or whatever.”

“It’s quite alright, as I’ve said before, Roman.”

“But- but I don’t want it to be just alright!” Roman cried, throwing his hands up towards the sky and slamming them back down so that he was digging the heels of his palms into his eyes frustratedly. “I want to know I helped you in some way!”

Did he truly just want to help Logan? That’s all? Why did the thought make Logan’s heart sink? “Your test failed, I am sad to say-“

“Sad?” Roman darkly chuckled, flopping his arms back down onto the earthy ground. “What happened to Mr. I’m-To-Good-For-Pesky-Human-Emotions?”

Logan let out an agitated groan. “I do not know, Roman! It is near impossible for me to avoid all emotions, you of all people must understand that! So what if I found dancing with you to be a pleasant experience?! It doesn’t mean anything, because-!” Logan sputtered, waving his hands, trying to find the right words.

“Because...?” Roman tried, a twinge of hope in his voice.

“Because we just met Roman! And I cannot just allow myself to give in to a person I’ve barely known because he is attractive!”

The words were spat with such spite it should’ve hurt, but Roman could only coo, “Aw! The human calculator thinks I’m attractive!”

“Statistically!” Logan cried defensively.

“Either way,” Roman crowed, “it’s adorable.”

“I am not... adorable,” Logan said the word with menace, ignoring Roman’s hand that was carding through his hair gently. “I am a being devoid of love and affection. So I suggest you stop.” He swiped Roman away who poked his tongue out of the corner of his mouth in return.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Roman said. “I’m going to let you make a decision. We just met this day and we’re not living in Verona, so this doesn’t have to happen right away. But pick berries beside me and we’ll talk and if you feel like it we can go out sometime. If not, we can just be friends. I’m open to either one, Logic.”

Logan’s nose scrunched up at that one. Still not as bad as Microsoft Nerd, he supposed. “I... fine,” he sighed, giving in, fully aware that any arguing would be nonsensical and ultimately result in him just agreeing anyways after constant pestering. “But I promise you it will be the latter that we find our relationship going towards.” He was saying it more to himself than to Roman, but the other nodded.

“Cool. Until then, though...” Roman hummed, then grabbed Logan’s hand with his own and intertwined their fingers smoothly. “Is this okay?”

“I don’t see why not.” 

Roman and Logan stayed there and ended up falling asleep underneath the stars, snoring blissfully with hands clasped together.

Platonically.

\- 

The next few weeks were about the most eventful of Logan’s life. He and Roman continues talking during work, yes, but as time passed Roman slipped back to his flirtatious ways. Logan had accepted it was just the way he was. After all, Roman tried hitting on Virgil when Logan introduced the two only to find out a moment later he was already dating someone else. 

But Roman flirted in a way that was different than the way he did with anyone else. When they picked berries adjacent to each other, Roman bumped his hips with Logan’s one too many times to be an accident. He added not-so subtle winks to the ends of all his cheesy pick-up lines he must have gotten off the back of cereal boxes judging by how corny they were. And he made so many comments that were taken the wrong way by Logan that he was beginning to question if Roman really was that much of a suggestive person or he was innocent and Logan just had a really dark mind.

Some nights after work they went back to their spot beneath the stars, Logan taking notes as Roman ranted about his day. It was nice. But there was something missing. Logan couldn’t put his finger on what so he shrugged and tossed the thought aside, but a guilty feeling only weighed down his chest when he did so. It was a never ending cycle that Logan simply became used to over the passing of days.

It was one night when Logan came home at around midnight (he and Roman had gotten to an in-depth conversation about Shakespeare again), took a shower, but still didn’t find himself sleepy. He knew he needed optimal rest if he wanted to have a productive day at work the following day, but when he lay in bed he couldn’t bring himself to shut his eyes. So he threw on his unicorn onesie, made himself some coffee, and relaxed with the Alice and Wonderland puzzle book that Roman had given him the other day.

But it was halfway through his second puzzle when he dropped his coffee in surprise, spilling it on the couch and carpet, at the sound of his phone going off. He rarely got any texts so the sound of his ringer was still foreign to him, and apparently in a lonely and quiet apartment, fairly loud. 

“Shit,” he hissed, wiping off the stains as best he could with his hands before turning to his phone. It was a FaceTime call... from Virgil? Virgil never liked to call, let alone FaceTime. He only ever texted and for him to do anything else was unsettling. 

Logan answered it quickly, and after being connected he found himself staring back at the face of a very giggly and blushing Virgil. Logan frowned. That meant he was either drunk or... Logan’s eyes skirted downwards and saw Virgil wasn’t wearing a shirt. Of course.

“Yes, Virgil?” he asked, suddenly tired.

“Logan,” Virgil chuckled. “Hi. Just thought I’d check in with you.”

“I see. I’m doing quite alright, but I believe it’s time for me to-“

“What’re you doing up this late, Lo?”

“Virgil, I have come to the conclusion you are not drunk and have simply... slept with my brother just now, but the effects of the two are honestly quite similar so I suggest we stop talking before one of us says something we’ll regret. I will talk to you when you’re sober-“

“Logan!” Virgil whined. “Please just tell me what’re you’re doing and I’ll go.”

“I’m doing my puzzle book, now go-“

“Why?”

“You promised you’d go away after my response.”

“I promise no shit.”

Logan huffed. “Because I’m not sleepy, okay?”

“Can I see?”

Logan grumpily lifted the book so that Virgil’s naked figure could see the cover.

“From Roman, heh?” Virgil hummed, amused. Roman has put his name pretty large in the cover as a way to remind Logan every time he opened it it was a gift. What an ass.

“Yes. Now go-“ Logan said, but Virgil groaned.

“You have a crush on him. Admit it.”

“I will not. Most likely because it’s not true.”

“Sure,” Virgil said, stretching the word out teasingly. “And that’s totally why you went on an hour-long rant to me the other day about the exact color of his eyes-“

“Virgil-“

“-and why the other day I found you ‘researching’ cool comebacks to pick up lines-“

“-Virgil-!”

“-and why you changed your Facebook relationship status to ‘it’s complicated.’”

“Virgil!”

Virgil put up his hands defensively. “Hey, all I’m saying is you’re gonna have to accept it sooner or later. I suggest sooner too. It just means you get more wild nights like the one I just had.” Virgil winked and Logan nearly threw his phone across the room as Virgil twerked a bit from his sitting position. 

“Is Patton up?” Logan asked, covering his reddening face with his hands.

“No.”

“Then I suggest you go to sleep too and I’ll call you back when you’re sober.”

“Fine, fine,” Virgil mumbled. “But serious talk time, just hurry up and ask him out already. I doubt he’ll reject you, Lo.”

“Whatever. Night, Virgil.”

“I’m just trying to help you.”

And with that, Virgil was gone.

Logan shut off his phone, looking back down at his book, absently tracing Roman’s name with his finger. Roman’s handwriting was large and in loopy cursive. It was grand and magnificent, just like the man. Logan growled in the back of his throat. 

He ended up going to bed at two in the morning that night, too occupied with his thoughts to realize what time it was when he finally crawled into his sheets. Logan had a dream that night, for the first time in ten years, but he woke up not remembering what it was about, leaving him panting and gasping for air and one thing on his mind.

“Roman.”

Something had to be done.

-

Roman fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously. Admittedly, anxiety was never his thing, but that was before Logan sent him the very vague text that morning, “Meet me in the field before work.” He never specified when, though, so Roman has been in field since five that morning, shivering as the cold swept over him and he pulled his bomber closer to him. 

It was nearly work time and if Logan didn’t get there in the next five minutes Roman was going to get up and leave—

The sound of someone walking interrupted his thought process and the next thing he knew Logan was running up to him, face flushed and breathing ragged.

“Logan?! Are you okay-?” Roman shrieked.

Logan shook his head and explained quickly, “Roman. Remember when I agreed to your terms of continuing our friendship unless I began to think of you otherwise?”

“Y-yeah?” Roman breathed, brushing the sweaty bangs out of Logan’s eyes. He didn’t even gel his hair back today. How long did he take to get ready to come all the way out here?

“I have made a decision thanks to a very rude phone call from a friend last night.”

“Oh? And what is that?” Roman smirked.

Logan didn’t respond. Instead, he threw his head forward and smashed his lips against Roman’s. Roman’s eyes flew wide as Logan’s mouth moved against his. For such a cold and calculated nerd he sure did know how to kiss. Roman’s mind was temporarily short-circuiting by the time Logan pulled back.

“Is that a yeah?” Roman asked softly. 

“Yeah,” Logan said breathily with a smile. Since when did he glow? Roman figured it was the sunrise and he tangled his hands in Logan’s tousled hair.

“Yeah?” he asked again, just as breathily, chuckling a bit.

“Yeah!” Logan said, sounding frustrated but smiling wide. Roman giggled, sliding his arms around Logan’s waist and proceeding to lift him up and twirl him around as he captured his lips with his own once more.

When he finally let Logan down, he rested their foreheads together and cradled Logan’s face between his hands. “My dear, I am certain we fell in love the moment we met and I am ready to never let that feeling slip away.” Logan hummed, unbelieving. Roman frowned at that. “I promise.” 

“As do I, Roman,” Logan whispered, eyes fluttering closed. He never felt so... much. His head felt blissful, his heart full, his legs and knees shaky and ready to give up beneath him from the intensity of it all. He pecked Roman again.

“I promise,” Roman mumbled again and again.

By the time they both arrived at work they were a bit late, which was not unusual to Roman but highly strange for Logan. “I’ve been with you for five minutes and already you’re ruining my reputation,” Logan complained, dropping another berry into his basket.

Roman blew a raspberry at that statement, flicking his own berry at his new boyfriend. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Being three minutes late to work isn’t going to get you fired. I must’ve been late at least twenty times until the lady in the front started giving me the evil eye.”

Logan chuckled softly. It was this kind of humor that drew him into Roman, though he’d never admit it. He huffed when he remembered he’d have to tell Virgil about this later and mentally prepared himself for all the “I told you so”’s and other teasing. But Logan would get him back when he later told him he actually twerked and winked seductively at the same time. Perhaps Virgil wouldn’t believe him, but then again, that morning he would have woken up and found himself naked, so maybe he would.

The rest of Logan’s day was full of mischief and light kisses from his giddy boyfriend. Boy, if Logan thought Roman flirted a lot when he was single he was wrong. Roman absolutely used every second of his time either coming up with flirts or executing said flirts, but none of them really worked on Logan who, by now, was immune to most of what Roman aimed at him. 

Same with the next day, and the day after that, until days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. And maybe the Logan from a year ago would’ve argued against it, but he really did like the way his love felt. The way his love with Roman felt. It was messy, it was still blooming, but he felt whole with the promise still lingering between them that they’d never let go of one another. Ever.

\- 

It had been fives months since Logan started dating Roman the day he came into work, Crofter’s cap on his head and a light winter jacket tossed around his shoulders. The weather was started to cool, thankfully, which meant Logan could take on an hour or two longer than usual picking berries without passing out from heat exhaustion.

He began picking the in-season berries, humming a bit in his usual spot as he waited for Roman to show up. He didn’t think twice about the fact that Roman wasn’t there at work on time. Even after all these months there were quite a few days where he’d arrive an hour late, still sashaying around the facility like he owned the place before passionately kissing his boyfriend and going to work.

But Logan had worn his watch that day that Roman had given him for their two month anniversary and he was counting every minute his boyfriend was absent. He was fine at fifteen minutes. A bit suspicious at thirty. Unsettled at sixty. Downright confused at ninety. Had something serious happened to him that he didn’t have the decency to tell Logan where he’d gone? Was he sick enough that he didn’t have the strength to phone Logan and tell him he wasn’t coming today?

Logan’s mind raced with the possibilities, but he shut them all down before things got worse. He was starting to sound like Virgil now, dammit, he needed to get a grip. Think logically. Maybe Roman had slept in. Ah, yes, now Logan remembered that one day he had done just that not too long ago. Logan sighed with relief, allowing himself to relax and pluck berries again in peaceful quiet. 

Until it wasn’t quiet. What was that racket? Logan’s turned this way and that, trying to place the noise. It sounded as if someone had recorded what an average college party sounded like and was blasting it some distance from him so that the sounds were muffled, but he still could make them out. Then a voice, clear above the rest shouted, “We love you, Roman!”

Logan stopped cold. His basket slipped out of his hands, sending berries all around his feet and onto the dry grass below, and then he started sprinting. He ran towards the noises, the voice, and found himself running along the path that lead to the front of the facility. Logan ran faster. 

His heart was thumping, his eyes becoming dizzy, his adrenaline coursing through his veins but he didn’t stop, even when his muscles screamed and burned. Roman. Roman. Where was Roman? What happened to Roman?

Logan eventually stopped and drank in the sight of what was happening in the front of the facility. People were crowded around something, making rings of laughter, tears, and all-around banter Logan would usually not want to participate in, but he was on a mission.

He pushed his way through the crowd, shoving past people who glared at him but did not stop him. Feeling only slightly claustrophobic, Logan finally made his way through until he crashed into the literal center of attention.

“Roman?” he gasped. He watched his boyfriend go from taking a picture with two crying girls to deflating at the sight of him.

“Logan... oh. Logan,” Roman said, voice cracking, giving his boyfriend a sad smile.

“What is going on?” Logan asked, suddenly cold. 

“Oh, nothing you need to worry about, love,” Roman said dismissively, then turned around and called out, “Who’s next?”

“Roman!” Logan cried, taking Roman’s wrist in his hand. Roman gave him a look as if he was a deer caught in headlights. “What. Is going. On?”

Roman looked down at the ground in shame. “Just a going away party...”

“For what?” 

Roman flinched.

“For what?!” Logan repeated harshly.

“Me, Logan!” Roman looked back up at him and his face was red, already stained with tears.

The noisy crowd went silent and Logan could feel everyone lean forward towards them, curious. Intrigued.

“Why?” 

No response.

“Why?!” Logan was screaming now.

“Because, Logan!” Roman screamed back. “I’m leaving!”

“You’re not working here anymore?” Logan asked, suddenly soft. Was that all? That wasn’t so bad. Logan was expecting much more—

“No. It’s not just that-“ Roman but his lip then sighed. “I- my old theatre troop decided to come back together again.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad you get to pursue your old passion again, but that is no reason to scare me or leave me out of your party.” So that was all. Logan felt his heart sink just thinking about the lessened number of hours he would be able to spend with his boyfriend. Oh well, they’d still have the field at night and the weekends. “I assume you left me out of this... gathering because you knew how much I disliked crowds. Am I correct?”

Roman was silent again. Then he said something under his breath, too inaudible for Logan to hear. 

“What?” Logan said.

“You weren’t supposed to know,” Roman huffed.

“Why not?” Logan was beyond confused. Answers, answers. He needed answers. Why wasn’t Roman answering him? Why was he not responding?

“I- I didn’t want to you to worry about it. O-or stop me. I don’t know... it’s stupid, I know,” Roman hiccuped through sobs. “Just- don’t worry about me, Logan.”

“Okay,” Logan said carefully. “Will you be available this weekend then so we can properly have some time together this week?” 

Roman shuddered. He shook his head, slowly at first as if he didn’t want anyone to see, and then faster and faster, blinking back tears as he did so. Logan’s brows scrunched together. 

“What do you mean?” Logan was starting to get impatient. “Roman, what is going on?!”

Roman crossed his arms and looked between his beloved boyfriend and the crowd gathered around them. He took Logan’s wrist, waved a goodbye to all the others, and dragged him away so they were some distance from any eavesdroppers. 

“Logan, I have something to tell you. I wasn’t going to tell you because I didn’t want you to get mad or scared or whatever.” Roman hissed at his own wording. “I made you sensitive and I’m sorry for that.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I gave you emotions but now I see you were right. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Roman was talking in rhythm with his cried, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as if ready to fall over at any given second. 

“I’m always right. I don’t see what you’re getting at,” Logan said, trying to smile at Roman for his small joke but Roman did not react in the slightest.

“Logan,” he breathed. “Logan, did I ever tell you about the leader of our theatre troop, Danny?”

“No.”

“Well, they were the only one in that group besides me that held onto their passion for acting after the breakup. They managed to go to New York and find a theater and somehow managed to convince the other guys to get back together again.” Roman lightly smiled at that. “So, long story short, I’m leaving my job at Crofter’s Organic and heading up to New York.”

Logan’s face fell. “What? Why?! I thought you said you were done with that stupid troop!”

“I know, I know, but this could be my big break! Aren’t you happy for me?!”

“Why would I be happy that you didn’t bother to tell me in the first place that you were moving?!” Logan took a deep breath. He was going to go on a rant again if he didn’t calm down. “Okay, well, I suppose I could properly handle a long-distance relationship. New York is in the same time zone as Florida so there won’t be any trouble with-“

Roman took Logan’s hands and smiled softly. “Logan. I love you. I really do. I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

“Wha-“

“Logan, one day you will find greater joys in life than I. Until that day, remember me, my love,” Roman said sweetly, pressing a kiss to the back of Logan’s hand and let them go. 

“What’re you-? Roman, you can’t-“

“Goodbye, Logan. I hope your next is good to you,” Roman sighed, and with that, turned on his heel and walked towards his awaiting car.

“Roman, you promised.” Logan’s voice wobbled and broke and it was only a few seconds after he had said the words did he realize he mumbled them.

“YOU PROMISED, YOU BASTARD!” Logan screamed, watching Roman get into his car, start the engine, and begin driving away. Logan didn’t move, he didn’t refuse, just watched as Roman left without another word until he couldn’t see him anymore. He didn’t even look back.

Logan fell to his knees, dazed, and then felt the tears start to pour. 

“You promised,” he said one last time, the words feeling heavy and sore in his mouth.

And he was alone and emotionless again.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, lovelies
> 
> tumblr: @rosesandstuff


End file.
